While there are too many things about Austin that I just can’t stand (not sure if the server has enough memory to hold that rant) I will have to admit that this town does have one thing going for it…
Funny homeless people. I haven’t given any money to the “Will work for food crowd” in years, and I don’t know anybody that has.
For one thing, those signs are so cliché. There’s the old standby mentioned above, plus the traditional, “Hungry. Homeless. God Bless” Not so here in good ole’ Travis County.
There is one guy I pass on my way home from work everyday that well, I’ll have to admit – Today…he got me. For starters he looks like Tom Hanks at the end of Castaway. He’s got this wicked beard, and a mass of hair that together allow you to see about an inch of his face. And his signs – he’s a modern day Mark Twain. He’s not content to hold just one sign, he usually has a repertoire of about a dozen or more that he carries with him, which is nice. The lights take forever around here, and being able to read a variety of signs helps take my eyes off the millionth bumper sticker in front of me with some variation of “Dubya” is the Anti-Christ, or the ever popular sticker warning that if I don’t support my (INSERT NAME OF YOUR FAVORITE AUSTIN AREA) gay and lesbian federation’s food drive then I’m, well I’m just as bad as Dubya himself. This guy has quite the stash. In just the past week I’ve seen “I don’t suffer from mental illness; I’m enjoying every second of it”
“Stranded, homeless, and my old lady has PMS – Help me Out?”
“The Mother Ship has left and I need some of your earth money to get me back to my planet”
“I just ate my dog”
I was on my way home today and I was one of the first cars at the light when Castaway whips out the collection and makes his move. The first sign was a new one:
“Road Rage is Deadly. Yell at a homeless guy. 50 cents OBO”
That one actually made me laugh a little, not much, but he saw it was working so he immediately goes to the big guns. The next sign was the clincher I lost it. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I had to give the guy some money. I’ve paid more at Blockbuster and not laughed that hard for an entire movie.