I miss Texas. I think that’s what it really comes down to. Al and I were commiserating our current locale the other night. Wondering how we got here, and more importantly, how do we get out. It’s getting out of hand. CB used to notice things when we first moved to this foreign soil, but now if she sees a woman without one arm covered in ink and the other arm around her domestic partner, she starts to wonder what’s wrong.
Of all the things that really bother me, I’d have to say one of the worst is…the bus.
If any of you haven’t noticed, gas is somewhere north of $14 a gallon, so I’ve been taking the bus into work. The problem is, so is everyone else. How to describe this torture on wheels…
It’s a perfect ride, if you’re no more than 5’2″ and extremely flexible. If, on the other hand, you’re 6’2″…good luck. On that note, a heartfelt thank you to the old hag who sat in front of me on the way home Friday afternoon. I can’t get both legs in front of me as is, and generally have to angle out in to the aisle with one leg sticking out. This woman sits in front of me, sees that there is no room to spare, and then drops the reclining seat back squarely into my knee. She had zero clearance. She rocks the seat back into my knee, and just keeps on trying to come back. When she won’t quit I “accidentally” kick the seat. She turns around and gives me a rather stern look, and I asked her if wouldn’t be easier if she just sat in my lap. My fellow riders enjoyed my suggestion…she didn’t.
Some other favorites:
The dude with the rubix cube. Seriously, where did you get that thing? Can’t be original. And by the way, mix in a bath once in a while along with the vintage collectibles…you could use it.
Mr. Snores. Large fellow. Takes up much more than his share of the seat. Apparently the nascar maneuvers of the driver don’t effect him much as he sleeps soundly throughout the trip. The only times he wakes up is when he snores so loud that he chokes himself awake. Yeah, either that or when he breaks wind loudly enough to overpower his own nasal cavity.
Cell phone lady – We don’t care. Really. And you don’t have to scream repeatedly that “you’re on the bus and you’ll have to call them back” only to follow that up with another half hour of yelling that “You’ll have to speak up. I can’t hear you because of the guy behind me snoring.” I don’t know which one of you I like least.
Mr. Computer guy – He does something with computers downtown. I’ve heard. But no matter how cool you techie people think you are – mix in a pair of shoes. Dude gets on the bus barefoot, carrying his shoes – and apparently he’s not big on socks either. I’ll admit, I’ve been rushed on Monday mornings and gotten on the bus carrying a tie, but I’ve yet to get on without shoes and then spend the next fifteen minutes digging between my toes for…never mind, I don’t want to continue that train.
Chatty-Cathy – I have headphones in, and a book in front of my face, and my eyes are shut. In addition, I know that gas is expensive, and that it’s hot, and that it’s Tuesday. Leave me alone.
The homeless dude that got on the bus with a clear plastic bag that had all his belongings. I used to do mental commitments in a previous life – I know were those bags come from. He also had enough dried blood on his hands and arms that made me wonder if anyone he’d encountered in the last month was still alive. The best part? There was some serious debate about whether he should be allowed on…he was.
The drivers – what a fine crew. If you do manage to get it up to 70 the best thing to do is immediately lock on the brakes for no apparent reason. There’s a good 2 feet between my face and the seat back in front of me – I like to see how fast I can close that distance – it’s a hobby.
I love it when the drivers are trash talking other large trucks on the road. Cement trucks are a favorite.
“Oh no he didn’t pull out in front of me. Come on over #$@@#!^! Pull that @#$#T*! in my lane again and see what don’t happen.”
I guess I should cut them some slack, after all it’s not like they don’t get lost. Repeatedly, on an almost daily basis.