I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t grow up around a lot of women. Sure, there was dear old Mom, but she was outnumbered by the male delegation in the house. Now, after all these years, I know how she felt. I am a foreigner in a strange land, and it looks like I’ve got a lot to learn. After all, when a 4 lb Chihuahua is the only other male you’ve got to watch your back, you learn to adapt. So, in light of my ongoing studies, here are some things I’ve learned about raising girls:
FACT#1: There are no good girl cartoons. Strawberry Shortcake, Holly Hobby, and the flat-out weird stuff they play on Noggin – none of it is any good whatsoever. Trust me, I’m a cartoon expert. GI Joe, now there was a cartoon. The evil forces of COBRA were always thwarting the safety of the world on a daily basis. No problem for the GI Joe crew. Using only sheer force and massive amounts of over the top weaponry, they simply destroyed, with massive explosions, whatever was the source of the problems for the week. I’ve yet to see anything comparable in any of CB’s cartoons.
The closest I’ve come to serious conflict was when Blueberry Muffin was hacked off about not being invited to Orange Blossom’s party. I was hoping for some real drama, but it was all worked out with a few kind words, a hug, and a sleepover at some other weird kid’s house. It probably wouldn’t have mattered any way, it looks like those houses are all made out of cookie dough, so there probably wouldn’t have been that much of an explosion in the first place.
FACT#2: Playing house means playing house. And I mean literally doing what you would do in a house. This is probably no shock to the female readers out there, but it floored me. CB has a 3-story dollhouse that is filled with furniture, kitchen appliances, and various other things you’d find in, surprise, a house. We do things like iron clothes, rearrange the kitchen furniture, do laundry, and get ready for parties for family members. I keep thinking the people in CB’s house have got to be dead anytime now as they have birthdays on a daily basis.
There’s also a baby’s room, complete with changing table and crib. CB LOVES to make the baby cry so Daddy has to change the diaper and get it back to sleep. I guess CB hasn’t realized that she has a baby sister that is performing this routine round the clock.
Only once did it get really interesting. I had CB convinced there were 4 ninjas, 2 ex CIA agents, and a hit man surrounding the house. Daddy was in the kitchen scrounging for weapons, when CB invited them all in for a party. Turned out it was the hit man’s birthday. Oh well, I shouldn’t complain, at least the ninjas had to change the baby’s diaper for the rest of the evening.